Another day, another medication.

Been having a really rubbish week health wise, the cold knocked me back so bad. I seem to have finally shaken it off but since Sunday, my pain has soared and nothing helps. The codeine stopped working, ibuprofen doesn't help, heat from my hot water bottle didn't help so I've been feeling a bit gutted. I've been pushing through as always, shed a couple of tears but carried on fighting. I was excited to have a lie in this morning as I was on an NQT course in Norwich, which meant I got an extra 2 hours in bed! I thought I would wake up feeling great but obviously I didn't. I felt as if I hadn't slept, was achy and sore and my hands were really playing up. I was worried about writing but luckily there wasn't anything major I needed to write down at the course. When I arrived, I saw two people I did my degree with and it was lovely to have a catch up, I wasn't expecting to know anyone so it was a nice surprise.

I was in pain but was feeling okay-ish and thought the day would fly past. After about an hour, my pain was getting worse, I text Adam and told him how rubbish I was feeling but I was determined to carry on and make it til the end of the course at 4pm. However, it kept building up all over my body so I rang the doctor and tried to get an appointment for the afternoon. Even just to discuss the condition further again and take a weight off my shoulders. The receptionist was very rude, I'm sure it must be part of the job description that they have to offend and upset people at least once a day. She told me bluntly that there were no appointments and they could fit me in Saturday. I explained the situation and told her how much pain I was in and no I couldn't wait til Saturday, finally she seemed a bit sympathetic and told me the doctor would phone me. After another two hours I was in more pain than ever and still hadn't heard anything so I rang again. Another receptionist but just as rude. She told me I was on the list and the doctor would get back to me as soon as he could. I felt like a time waster and that I was over-reacting which is hard when you're in absolute agony but have no way of proving it. From the outside I look so normal and happy and on the inside I feel like someone is hitting my bones with a hammer, twisting my muscles and burning my nerves.

Eventually I'd had enough and left the course 2 hours early. I felt completely defeated and lost, Luckily the doctor finally rang me on the way home, he is one of the doctors who specialises in ME/CFS so chatted to me about how I was feeling and whether I'd done anything different recently. He asked me to describe my pain and was really sympathetic and prescribed gabapentin. I was happy that he took me seriously but gutted that it's yet another medicine I have to include into my daily routine. With these, I am now taking up to 13/15 tablets a day.

New tablets

Gabapentin is a drug used for nerve pain and he said most of his patients found it very helpful, so I am hopeful that it will help me return to a more stable level and keep the pain more under control. The list of side effects is long and a bit worrying but we will see how that goes. I'm hoping the benefits outweigh the side effects. I have no idea what has caused this severe pain flare but I am hoping it will not last long. I am sad that I have to rely so heavily on medication just to function but it's my only choice at the moment.

I was miserable on my way home from the pharmacy and could feel my mood dropping by the second. I got home and there was no where to park, I tried to move the car and got in someones way who started beeping at me and I just broke down. I'd been bottling it up all day about how rubbish I was feeling and trying to put on a happy face but that just finished me off. I parked the car, went inside and had a good cry to Adam and felt a little better after that. All I needed was a hug and a lie down. I have things to be doing tonight for work tomorrow but I'm absolutely exhausted - from the rubbish day I've had and the new tablets but I'm as determined as ever to make it to work tomorrow and have a good day. We will see.

Now I've had a cry, I feel a bit better emotionally and back to my usual fighting self. I will get through this flare and be back to my usual happy self soon. I'm exhausted and haven't proof read this post like I usually do so I apologise if some bits don't make sense. Feeling a bit all over the place, but got my indian on it's way and the Bake Off final is tonight!

Hope you all have a lovely evening xxx