Hi everyone, I haven't blogged in AGES! Partly due to having no time but also being completely exhausted in the evenings and weekends. I just checked and I haven't blogged since the 7th October so I've got a fair bit to write about - I'm pretty tired though so I'll try and keep it short.
Firstly, it's half term!! That is why I finally have the time to sit and write. It's been the most stressful, yet enjoyable 7 weeks I could have imagined. I have loved every minute of my job and I look forward to going in every day. I can't deny that it's hard, the exhaustion is horrific and the pain has not been great at the moment. I think my new tablets are helping but I'm useless and often forget to take the second dose of the day. Unfortunately I haven't been able to come off the codeine yet which I was hoping to. I had a couple of days where I didn't take it but I'm back to my normal dose again which is a bit rubbish.
I went out on Wednesday after work to say goodbye to our phase leader who is starting a new job. I was apprehensive about going as it would be a much later night that I am used to, and sitting in a chair for longer than usual. All started off well, we went to the Greyhound races which was fun, we had a lovely meal and then the pain decided to hit me full strength. I didn't want to complain so I took 3 painkillers in the hope it would fade. It didn't. I stayed as long as I could but at 8:40, I had to give in and call it a night. I hate leaving early and always worry that people think I'm just not making the effort. I was feeling pretty annoyed at myself on the drive home and realised that I would not be able to go for the meal everyone at work was planning for Friday (last night). I had been really looking forward to it but after how I felt sitting in a chair for 2 hours, I knew there was no way I could cope with dinner and drinks, let alone the late night. Therefore, I celebrated the end of the half term by myself, with a 2 hour nap, a pizza and an 8:15 bed time. Tragic yes, but it was exactly what I needed. Adam got in from work around 11, I was in such a deep sleep I barely remember him being there and then I was woken up at 3:30 by excruciating stomach pains again. I cannot even describe how painful it is and anyone who thinks that IBS is 'just a tummy ache' can p*ss off. I went to the toilet and sat there shaking and sweating, trying to work out whether I needed the toilet or if I was going to be sick. Nothing happened. I went into the bedroom and woke Adam up who was amazing, he got straight up and filled my hot water bottle. I lay there for 2 hours, in absolute agony, kept popping to the toilet every 10 minutes. I finally fell back to sleep about 6 when it settled. Not ideal when I was looking forward to a long sleep to recover from the exhausting weeks I've had.
On a brighter note, my mum is on her way to visit!! I'm so excited, haven't seen her in a few weeks and I can't wait. I've spent the morning napping, cleaning and resting so we can have a meal and drinks with her fiancé and Adam.
I want to talk about Adam on here as well and how amazing he is. I know he didn't expect when we got together that he would spend his evenings alone while I sleep, weekends doing the same thing - limited by my stupid body. He rarely complains. Yes he has his moments where it upsets him too, because there are so many things we would love to do together but the only time that is possible is holidays, like this week. We have some lovely plans for this week and I can't wait. That's the awful thing about an invisible illness, not only does it affect me, it affects the people closest to me too. Especially Adam. I've been experiencing a lot of guilt recently and I get upset with myself when I can't stick to what I've said. This week we've tried to watch 2 films, both had to be in 2 parts just so I could stay awake/concentrate on what was going on. It's hard for people without the illness to understand the struggle with simple tasks like that.
I'm feeling loads better today than I have for the past week so I'm hoping the meal will be lovely. I know my mum and everyone will understand if I don't feel well and we have other options in case.
We have a lot planned this week. I need to go into work to sort out all the children's books etc, it's Adam's birthday on Tuesday and we're going out for dinner with his family, we are going to a Halloween event on Thursday (I think) and then it's Adam's birthday night out on Saturday and I have two friends coming up to stay. Plenty to keep me busy and look forward to but also a huge potential for a complete crash health wise. I'll stay positive and hope for the best!
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