Amy 0 - 1 Cold

Evening all :)

I'm writing this from bed, had my first nap in a couple of weeks which I'm a bit disappointed about. I've had a monster cold this week, lost my voice completely on Tuesday (I think?), I've lost track of the days. Teaching is very hard with no voice but luckily the children felt sorry for me and were pretty quiet and listened to me whispering! They respond better to me whispering anyway...

I hate having a cold, it has completely wiped me out. I remember when I used to moan if I had a cold when all I felt was a little sniffle. Nowadays, a cold affects my whole body and makes everything flare up more than usual. My pain is through the roof, even 8 codeine a day aren't really touching my pain anymore. I'm hoping once the cold is out my system, the pain will settle to a bearable level again. I've been so much weaker again this week as well, needing to sit down more often, even earlier nights etc. Not ideal but as always, work has kept me going. The good thing about teaching is that I don't have a choice, I have to go in. Once I'm there, the children take my mind off everything and I love every single day with them. They stress me out but in the best way possible, because I care about each and every one of them.

I had a ton to do during the week as well, we had a deadline for getting all our assessment data onto the school system and finish getting our classrooms completely up to scratch. This took longer than I thought but by Thursday evening I was more or less done. I even left school at 5 on Friday which is really early for me! I was determined to make the most of having a Friday night the best I could, except I was struck down with one of my horrific headaches, the type where I cannot even open my eyes without getting shooting pains and extreme dizziness. I tried to ignore it for a little while, took some painkillers and finally gave in at 6:30pm and went to bed. So tragic and not what I had in mind. I knew I was never going to be out partying til the early hours but I'd hoped I'd at least make it until 9pm! I curled up and chose a new TV show on Netflix to start watching, The Returned which looked quite good. I watched 10 minutes before realising I had no idea what on earth was going on. When I'm having a bad day, my brain gets foggy, known as 'Fibro Fog', meaning I cannot concentrate on ANYTHING. Luckily I've not had this at school yet and am hoping I never will. It tends to be an evening/weekend thing when I've run out of spoons - see my post 'The Spoon Theory' to find out more about the theory. Anyway, it means I can't watch TV unless its something I've about 10000000 times and know it almost off by heart. I have a handful of films for times like this. These are White Chicks, A Goofy Movie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Little Man. Only when I went to watch Little Man last night, I was heartbroken to see it had been taken off Netflix! I settled for White Chicks  instead and was asleep pretty quickly. I am almost never able to watch a whole film in one go, I end up falling asleep, so little bits have to do. Don't ask why these films have become my 'easy watch' films, they're all very random but they give me something to do when I can't focus on anything else. I find it so hard watching films, they require a lot of energy which I know is impossible for some people to understand. In the cinema it's easier as it's such a big screen, but at home, I usually lack the ability to focus for that long so I almost always end up confused and with no clue what is happening. I haven't even watched Mockingjay yet; I started watching it one night with Adam and a couple of his friends, but I was embarrassed that I had no idea what was happening and went to bed in a strop. Yes, sometimes I act like a toddler and throw tantrums but its the only way I can deal with my frustrations sometimes.

I woke up this morning with my head still pounding, took a while for me to get up but me and Adam had already decided we would have a nice, long lie in so we stayed put for a while. I took even more painkillers which still did nothing and put one of my headache cool pads on. Eventually it started to fade and I was able to actually think about what to do for the rest of the day. We had a few things to do so we went into town, we only went to a couple of shops before I needed to sit down. We called it a day and went to get lunch, my pain levels had gone sky high again and I was desperate to get something to drink so I could take more codeine. The pains were stabbing my whole body which makes it difficult to think of anything else. The painkillers dull it just enough to function again and enjoy my day but I'm starting to worry I might need something even stronger. We had the loveliest lunch in Patisserie Valerie, we both had Eggs Benedict Royale and tea and scones. Was absolute heaven. After lunch, I'd had enough, Adam dropped me home so I could have a sleep while he went to buy a few more bits for the house. Now he is at work for a couple of hours and when he gets back we are hopefully going to go for a drink in the pub just round the corner. He has to be up really early for work so it won't be a late one.

I was feeling very down and frustrated again last night about my lack of social life. I know I am the one who made the decision to work but it doesn't make it easier seeing all my friends busy social lives at the weekend while I'm sitting in my pjs, cuddling a hot water bottle and not even being able to watch a film. That's why I'm determined to at least make it out for one drink tonight. I can sit down in the pub (hopefully) so I don't have to worry about that and it's only round the corner. I've had such a lovely day with Adam, we haven't seen much of each other recently even though we live together and I'm a bit gutted that I've felt so poorly. I always feel like I've ruined the day when I have to go for a sleep, especially when it's our first day together in ages but he's so understanding. He looks after me  so well :)

Let's hope I shake this cold off very soon and can feel a bit more human again. I'm not sleeping well at all which isn't helping. It stresses me out when I have so much to do and am unable to do it. Today was supposed to be so productive, changing my address on everything and sorting out bills and other boring things like that. I've done none of that and I'm not sure my foggy brain will allow it. I need to save my brain for marking and work stuff tomorrow so the paperwork may have to wait til next weekend now. The weekends are far too short when I need a whole day just to recover from my working week before I can even think about anything else.

I know I'll get everything done, I always do, it just takes me a little more time than most people!

Tea and scones, the blackcurrant jam was incredible.

Moving day was the most stressful day of my life.

I'm am writing this from our lovely new flat! I am so happy here already and it's only been a day. I had another good, yet stressful week and was feeling generally okay until Friday. When I say okay, I just want to iterate that this does mean I feel well. I just feel slightly better than normal. As much as I'd like them to, my symptoms haven't miraculously disappeared. I had lots to do and stayed late at work most days just to try and get on top of things. I knew I was going to miss out on a weekend of planning etc due to the move so I was stressing slightly about this. I couldn't wait though and all week I was counting down the days til we would be in the flat. Friday I woke up feeling like absolute death, I was in a lot of pain and just wanted to curl up in a ball with painkillers, a hot water bottle and lots more sleep but I knew I had to go in. Once I'm dosed up and on the go, I tend to feel more human and the busy job gives me a reason to keep going - this is one of the reasons I love teaching. I feel it actually helps with my health as there are so many more important things to think about throughout the day. I powered through and as soon as I stepped through the door on Friday evening after work, it was non-stop. We moved all the things that were already packed, went to Argos and bought some furniture and headed to the flat to start building things. We finally got into bed at about midnight, had a little lie in and started again Saturday morning.

During the night I kept waking up. I wasn't surprised as I often have nights where I can't sleep - this unfortunately is one of the symptoms of ME - especially if I have things on my mind. It seemed like every time I woke up I felt more and more ill. When I finally woke up about half 8 and decided I would get up, I realised I had the start of a cold. This obviously hits me harder than most people and I honestly felt like I couldn't move. The pain over my entire body was unreal, I didn't think I was going to be able to get out of bed, let alone move house. But I had no choice. I dragged myself up, managed to shower and wash my hair - with lots of rests - and finally started packing things up. Adam knew how ill I felt and kept making sure I wasn't doing too much. He gave me easy things to carry like pillows and blankets. We didn't have a van or anything so it was a case of constantly packing up the cars, unloading them and starting all over again. We barely have any furniture so most things do not have a home yet. As bad timing goes, I had a hair appointment booked, seeing as we were meant to be moved in the weekend before which I didn't really want to cancel so I went along to this at 4. Luckily this was when Adam had arranged to pick up the sofa we are borrowing from his mum until ours arrived. I was clearly not going to be any help lifting a sofa so he didn't mind me popping off for an hour for my hair appointment. We then headed back to Argos to get curtains etc and finally headed back. The last few runs were the most painful, we had both had enough and were losing the will to live. The last thing to come with us was the bed and putting that together and putting the new bedding on was such a lovely feeling. We ordered a curry at about 10pm and cracked open the champagne. We were both absolutely exhausted and couldn't wait to go to sleep! I slept awful again, which was no surprise, having a bad health day and sleeping in a new environment was never going to be a good nights sleep! I woke up still feeling awful but a slight improvement from yesterday. The pain is still pretty bad but no where near as horrible as yesterday but the cold is making me feel lousy. The IBS has flared up again today so that's not been ideal. I'm almost out of codeine so I'm trying not to take them too much until I can get some more on Wednesday. Luckily my NHS card will have arrived by then so I don't have to pay for my prescriptions! I've paid £10 this month and it will cover all my medication so is going to save me loads.

I spent today sorting out the bedroom, which is almost done apart from one bag. The lounge is a mess still because we need more furniture and most of the stuff is Adam's so he can sort that out :) I've had a relaxing evening sorting out my classes books, watching films, knitting and cuddling up with cups of tea and my hot water bottle. Adam has been at work all day and I can't wait for him to see the improvement to the flat in one day.

I'm already so happy living here and I know we are going to be so happy. I feel so relaxed and at home here and I look forward to many happy months with my favourite person!
Here's to hoping for a lower pain today tomorrow and a good night's sleep! xxx

The bedroom - the plastic drawers are temporary!

Lovely little kitchen.

We need a lot more furniture in here but here's our little lounge.

NQT Week 1 - SURVIVED.

I think blogging will now only be a Sunday thing after how ridiculously busy I've been the last week! Last time I blogged I was massively stressing about going back to work after the horrendous stomach pains I experienced when I went home for the weekend. This improved dramatically overnight thank god so I was feeling a bit more positive on my way in on Monday morning! I was very nervous since it was the first day I was to have all of my 30 children sat at desks doing work at the same time but they were fantastic and made me proud. They are year 1 so it is obviously very different to what they were used to in reception but they are coping brilliantly and making me much more confident about the year.

The week went okay.. could have been better, could have been worse. A lot at the moment is trial and error since the school are making some changes to how they teach the curriculum so everyone is learning at the same time! This makes it easier for me and I don't feel as useless if something does not work. All in all, I have had a great week getting to know the children even better and trying new things with them but it has also been one of the most stressful weeks of my life. There are 3 other NQT's and lots of other new staff so I have a great support network if I need anything. The other year 1 teacher and my TA also could not be more helpful and I wouldn't have got through the week without them. I am definitely looking forward to seeing what we can achieve over the next year!

It hasn't helped that my health has been far from great as well. I have managed when I'm at work, but each day I get home has been awful, the exhaustion has taken over and the pain gets worse. I managed the first two days just with ibuprofen - and determination, but unfortunately by Wednesday I was back on the codeine and have been ever since. I kept getting horrific headaches that were making me feel sick and the dizziness came back in full swing which was a shame because the compression socks have been really helping with the dizziness. However, I realised that I was allowing myself to become dehydrated by not drinking anything all day. I would have a coffee throughout the day if I was lucky and that was it. For someone with chronic headaches and pain, it is important to stay hydrated so I have been making an extra effort to get filling myself up on water.

I spent the entire day yesterday planning, sorting out pupil data and making resources and am feeling much more prepared for the week. I enjoy this side of the job as well - which is good seeing as it takes so long - which is so crucial in what I do. If I did not have the passion for the job, my health would take over and I'm sure I would not be able to work. It makes me happy and excited to go in everyday and make (or try to make) a difference.

On a slightly less positive note, while I am feeling good about my job and working life, I have had a mental blip in terms of my social life. I went for a meal on Friday with Adam's mum and uncle which was lovely. We went at 6 which was good for me as we were then home by about half 8/9 and I could have an early night. I was feeling a bit frustrated as I could not make it past 10, and from 9 I was practically stuck to the sofa fighting to stay awake. However, I knew I would be woken up early when Adam had to leave for work so I didn't mind the early night. Weekends are the time I find hardest as they are a constant reminder of what I should be doing on a Friday/Saturday night. I cannot get away from seeing the snapchats/instagram posts of people's nights out, getting drunk etc, which is hard to see when you're tucked up in bed at 8 with a hot water bottle watching Monster's University on a Saturday night. I would love to be able to go out and have fun, not caring what time I stay out til or how much I drink but sadly, this is impossible for me when I have work on Monday. I need at least 4 days to recover after a night out so this would never work. Even if I went to bed at midnight, I would need a good couple of days to recover. This is not how I expected to be at the age of 23, especially as a year ago, this was not really a problem. The more I stress about things, the more pain I get so this has been quite a pain-fuelled weekend. I've shed my tears and picked myself back up again and reminded myself that it's okay to feel like this. I keep so positive throughout the week and am constantly so grateful that I am still able to work unlike many people with this illness. However, it would be nice to be just have one weekend that didn't revolve around sleep, rest, painkillers and stressing about the following week.

On a plus note, me and Adam ordered a sofa today and we are moving into our flat on Saturday!! I'm so excited and I know how happy we will be in it :). Next time I blog will probably be from the comfort of the flat. Even though we have hardly any furniture, it will be so nice to finally have our own space.

Hope everyone has a good week :) xxxx

On a scale of 1-10, my pain was a 12.

I've been back at work this week so I haven't had the chance to blog! I've obviously been very busy and exhausted with the early starts but I'm enjoying being back in a routine. I think routine helps me health-wise. Obviously I still feel awful everyday and the pain doesn't go away but it gives me a purpose and something to focus on.

On Monday night I barely slept while I was anticipating the pain of the first 6am alarm after six long weeks off! We had a conference day in a hotel with a cooked breakfast and buffet lunch included so this made it slightly more bearable. The day in itself was engaging and interesting so I didn't feel too bad. It was great to see everyone that I met when I started in July and met some new staff as well. We then had another conference on Wednesday with every school in the Trust which was a bit more painful for me being sat in a chair for hours being talked to. I enjoyed hearing about the other schools and spent time with the other NQT's (Newly Qualified Teachers) in my school. On Tuesday I was absolutely exhausted and could barely function in the evening but I felt a bit more alive on Wednesday and even managed a quick trip into the city with Adam since we finished at 2:30. However, by Thursday, my pain had increased and I had to go back on the codeine. Not ideal when I'd had a few days without it but sometimes its all I can do. We had a training day on the curriculum and time with the other teachers in the phase to get some planning done and finishing preparing our classrooms for the children's return on Friday - for those of you who don't know, I am a Year 1 teacher. I went to bed at 8 so I could at least have some chance of feeling refreshed in the morning.

Friday was fantastic. It was so lovely to see all the little ones faces again, seeing their new uniforms and how much they had grown! They did me proud and settled back into school with no issues at all. I felt pretty rough but I was so busy and enjoying my day and getting back into the swing of things. There is still a lot to sort out in the classroom and plenty of planning to be done but once I start properly teaching again tomorrow, things will fall into place.

Me and Adam had already decided we were going to go back to Essex to see my mum on Saturday and I woke up feeling fairly average so we set off mid afternoon. We had a lovely catch up with my mum and her fiancé, had a takeaway and a couple of drinks, watched X Factor and Austin Powers before settling down for the night.

I felt quite good when I went to sleep and expected to sleep well. This did NOT last. A couple of hours later I woke up with a tummy ache and I knew the IBS was flaring up again. I was annoyed that I'd been woken up and dragged myself to the toilet. Once I was in there, I have never experienced pain like it. My entire body felt like it was shutting down and I could not hold my own weight and had to use the towel rail to keep myself upright. I was sweating and shaking and all sorts were running through my head. I was absolutely terrified as it was the middle of the night, no one knew I was in the toilet in this excruciating pain and I couldn't physically get onto my feet and go back to the bedroom. I stayed there for about half an hour before it finally started to fade. I was getting to the point where I could see myself spending the night in hospital. It was that bad. My usual nerve and joint pain on a good day is around a 5, a bad day can range between 7 and 8, I've experience tummy pains at about an 8 before but this was a full blown 12. The worst pain I have ever felt and even as someone with chronic pain, I honestly didn't know it was possible to be in THAT much pain.

So obviously now I'm nervous about work tomorrow. I know I need to go in but its worrying me. This is probably making it worse so I'm trying to relax. I've taken my anti-spasm meds and am tucked up in bed writing this with my hot water bottle so fingers crossed I'll have a better night and better day tomorrow. The pain has gone down to a 6/7 but since I'm not used to it being this bad in my stomach, I'm struggling to function the way I do with my normal pain. I'm exhausted from being up most of the night so I'm hoping I can actually sleep tonight which should help too.

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend. As much as my stomach hurts, it didn't ruin my weekend and I had a lovely time at home! xxx