When your legs don't work like they used to before...

Evening all!

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend so far, I am!

I can't wait for the day I write on this blog how much better I'm feeling and am making progress as at the moment each week I blog, it seems to be a constant decline.

My legs have been even worse this week, getting weaker constantly and hurting more and more. I was terrified for this MRI scan I have to have but now I can't wait. It's on Thursday, plus I finally have the full body examination on Tuesday that I was supposed to have last week. I just want these over and done with now and can actually get some answers and move forward. I spoke to work and they have been amazing. So supportive and happy for me to have the time off. I had to get myself a chair in morning briefing the other day and people were lovely about it. I was worried about people talking about me - silly I know because people really do care and want to know if i'm okay - but it's natural for people to ask each other, rather than come up to me. I've been trying to not care what people think and what people might say, especially as now I've had to be using a wheelchair to go food shopping. I never thought I would be pushed round a supermarket at the age of 23 but oh well, these things happen and I'm sure I won't need it for long. It's not the comfiest chair and actually makes my legs stiffer when I finally stand up again, but the pain is better and I don't feel sick, hot and like I'm going to pass out/throw up at any second so it's much better for me.

Here I am on the weekly trip to Tesco.

Last night Adam and I went to Nando's which was lovely. I don't usually do anything on a Friday night but forced myself to go as I was starving and really fancied it. I felt like death and my legs forgot how to walk on the way out and I had to cling onto Adam and have rests along the way back to the car, but it was so nice to be out. I've had a REALLY busy day today! I went into town for my hair cut this morning and then got my eyebrows done, nice little pamper morning which had made me feel a lot better about myself when I'm feeling rubbish. Then I came home, cleaned the flat (apart from the bathroom, Adam can do that for the first time since we've moved in!) then Adam came home from work and we had a little rest together before heading out to TK Maxx. I treated myself to some new clothes for work and I was telling him my 'struggling' scale on the way round. By the time I got to a 7, we gave up and went to Tesco's where I could sit in my little wheelchair. It takes the panic away that I will feel awful and means I can actually relax and enjoy the shop - as much as you can with food shopping... 

After my busy day, as you can imagine, I am not feeling good. My pain is fairly high, I'm exhausted and I feel like I might be going down with something again, my throat is a little sore and my chest feels tight. Tomorrow I plan on sleeping until the afternoon, and then have some planning and marking to do which I can do from the comfort of my bed or the sofa. I may pop to a friend's for lunch depending on how I'm feeling but that'll be a decision to be made tomorrow. 

As I said before, work have been fab and so supportive. The head asked me if I would be happy to speak to an Occupational Therapist about getting some extra help around the school to make things a little it easier for me. This was so lovely of him to think of this and I'll update my blog when I have more information about this. 

Lastly, on a slightly gross note, I have a weird lump on my hand/wrist which is a bit worrying. I have no idea what it is; some people have suggested maybe cartilage? Has anyone reading this ever had anything similar? I'll ask my doctor on Tuesday as it's getting a bit painful now and very uncomfortable. It's not very clear in the picture and is only visible when I bend my wrist down. I would love to hear if anyone has anything similar. 

The lump on my wrist - any ideas?

Anyways, I'm going to have dinner now and then go to bed - wild Saturday night as always.

Night night, hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekend xxx

Shouted at by bouncers, fed gas and air and MRI scans ...

It's been a stressful, exhausting week being back at work. Everyday I've just been reminded of how much I love my job though. I am so lucky I have a job I look forward to going to every single day and feel unbelievably rewarded every second of the day. Whether it's the constant "I love you's", cuddles, cards or just seeing them read and write things they couldn't 7 weeks ago. I really am lucky and I think everybody should have a job they love this much.

Anyway, soppiness over. Last weekend was halloween and we had a night out planned. I had the loveliest day with my 2 best friends who came up to stay - we went out for Nandos, looked in a few shops, they were so understanding when we got back to mine and I got into bed for a rest. They sorted out their halloween costumes while I rested and tried to sleep. I hadn't seen the girls in 4 months which is ridiculous considering we all used to live together and we definitely won't be leaving it so long next time. We are all teachers and lead very very busy lives! Once I'd rested, we all got into our costumes and started having a couple of drinks before we went out. It was my first night out in months so I was nervous but excited. It's shocking that I used to go out 4 times a week without a second thought and now I get nervous for one night. Unfortunately I was right to be nervous. I was having a great night and then needed a sit down. My pain was building up and I was feeling exhausted and started getting emotional. All I needed was to sit down, I ended up on the floor and couldn't get up, my poor little legs had just had enough. I was agony and crying ALOT. The bouncers were no help whatsoever and so the St John's ambulance came and took me to the first aid room. They took some details and said the only thing they could offer me for the pain was gas and air. I had already exceeded my dose of my painkillers for that day so they couldn't help me there. The gas and air worked wonders though, it really helped and calmed me down. We couldn't get a taxi as it was so busy and I needed the toilet. The lady in the first aid room offered to take me but I was scared and wanted Adam to. He tried to take me in and the bouncer came and dragged him away, Adam calmly tried to explain the situation and the bouncer was awful to him shouting "she's not fucking disabled". I was on the floor screaming and crying and was completely ignored. Luckily Adam saw the person who runs the night who he knew who let him come back to me. Being spoke to in this way has really upset me and has made me not want to go back.

Me and Adam as The Joker and Harley Quinn

My beautiful friends

I am concerned, upset and paranoid about what people think of me and how they might judge me. We needed to go food shopping and I was worried as I felt so rough. Adam said he would borrow a wheelchair for me as I couldn't walk properly and because of the events of the weekend, I was worried that people would think I was faking. I shouldn't have to feel like this and it sums up the stigma of the invisible illness. I now have a card in my purse that states my illness and how it affects me to carry round in case I am ever criticised in this way again. My friend text me earlier and asked if I wanted to go to the LCR in December. The answer at the moment is no. I do not want to go back to somewhere that does not listen to people in moments of need, accuses someone of lying and just being 'drunk' and not offering anywhere for people like me to sit and rest if needed.

On Tuesday, I had a doctors appointment for a full examination of my back and legs. Typical that I left work allowing an hour for the journey which usually takes 35 minutes, there was a huge accident on the main road and it took me an hour and 10 minutes, making me late for the appointment. Therefore I could not have the full examination. The doctor felt my legs and tested my reflexes and realised my leg muscles are not functioning properly. This is why I've been struggling to walk to much and I am not standing correctly. She has sent a request for an MRI scan on my back and when I have had that and the results are back, I will start on physio on my legs. I am really hoping this isn't a long process and that I can get slightly more on track again. I feel like Im constantly getting worse at the moment and nothing is getting better. I always remain positive though and I won't let it get me down. Yes I have my moments - Wednesday night I sat and cried before I went to bed. Living in constant pain is hard. Very hard. Being constantly exhausted (a different level from just tired) is completely draining. The illness is part of my life now, it's made me a different person but I will continue to fight every day and cling on to the hope that one day I will be better! :)

Had a long sleep this morning - til 2:30 in the afternoon oops - and then went and bought myself a lovely new bag and shirt. The bag is much better for me as it goes across my body so I don't have to hold it on my arm which has been a struggle. We then had a nice chill out with a coffee before walking home and sorting out boring house stuff. I have a full day of marking ahead of me tomorrow so I need a good sleep tonight. My arms are killing me now after all this typing, pain killer time! Gonna curl up and watch the neighbours firework display from the comfort of my sofa and blanket!

My favourite

Thanks for reading! xxxx

A very poorly but very fun half term!

Well what a lovely week it's been! I'm gutted it's almost over but I have two friends coming up to stay with us tomorrow to celebrate Halloween and Adam's birthday!

Today is possibly the worst I have ever ever felt since my diagnosis. I woke up feeling rough but I had planned to go into work to sort out the children's books before we go back. I got up around 9, forced myself to get dressed, have some breakfast and did my make up. I then went to stand up and felt HORRENDOUS. I couldn't understand what was wrong and lay down feeling like I was going to be sick. I went to the toilet but nothing happened so I went and lay down again. I was stressing because I needed to go to work but it was looking very unlikely. I went back to the toilet and threw up. A lot. My make up was all down my face and I was shaking and weak, in absolute agony and it seemed pretty obvious I was not going in. I changed into my Hollister joggers, took my make up off and got back into bed. I then very very quickly fell into a deep sleep for another 2 hours. I woke up feeling less sick, but completely and utterly exhausted and still very weak. I wasn't able to get up for another hour and it was hard. I was absolutely starving after my body got rid of everything I had eaten for the whole of the week it seemed! The only thing I fancied was the Red Velvet cake I bought Adam for his birthday so I cut myself a big slice. Luckily it stayed down. I was still in agony so I took some more painkillers, dragged myself onto the sofa and brought all the things I would need for the day. Laptop, phone, book, blanket, knitting, TENS machine and pillows. I have not moved since.

Photo from yesterday, but I'm spending today the exact same!

It was hard putting my TENS machine on myself and used a lot of energy trying but it is helping so much! My back was spasming which was horrific and that has stopped now. I have my wrist supports on as my arms and wrists were so painful. I'm feeling loads better than I was but still not in a good way.

I had the best evening yesterday at PrimEVIL, an event in Norwich with lots of scare mazes, actors etc. it was so much fun! I spoke to a friend earlier in the day and she told me there was a lot of queuing involved which worried me a bit. I sent an email to find out if there was anything they could offer to make it a bit easier for me and didn't get a reply. I was having a fairly bad pain day which wasn't ideal but we went along and asked them when we got there if there was a way we would be able to not have to queue. Unfortunately there was not. The first queue was about 30 minutes-ish, which went quite quick and the maze was brilliant so I didn't mind the wait. The second one was over an hour and I started to feel a bit rubbish and the maze was the worst one! We then went on the zipwire which was amazing, you get dropped as if you are being hung! Wasn't good for my poor little legs but was worth it. Then it was a zombie maze which Adam was looking forward to most, I thought it was horrific!! I clung to him the whole time and was hurting him from how much I was clinging... Last we went on a completely pitch black maze where you have to feel your way through, I left that job to Adam while I clung on for dear life. I also had a random girl clinging to me! It was hilarious. Luckily we didn't have to queue at all for the last two. I was struggling by this point. High emotions and things make my symptoms worse so obviously being scared was going to affect my body more. It was so much fun but we didn't make it to the last maze. I had completely had enough of being on my feet - which was probably the longest I've been on them in months! I was in agony and completely exhausted and just needed to rest. We went home and straight to bed.

Me and Adam at PrimEVIL!

I've had a lovely week off, met up with friends, my mum and her fiancé came up on Saturday, it was Adam's birthday on Tuesday which was lovely and we went out for dinner with his family. I have also just enjoyed chilling and resting, spending time reading has been great as I never get the chance to do things like that.

I had my blood tested on Tuesday which came back clear, as always. Further confirming my diagnosis. I went to the doctor's on Thursday as well to discuss a few things. I asked if I could have capsules rather than tablets as I can't always pop the tablets out the packet because my arms are too weak. I was a bit annoyed because the doctor said she "wasn't sure if I could have the capsules, because I take so many and they are not the most cost-effective", but then changed them straight away. I am already noticing a huge difference. Ive had no trouble getting them out the packet and I am no longer choking on them which is a bonus. I then went to the dentist where I was told my teeth are beautiful but have a couple of issues with my gums, I've got a new toothbrush and they should sort themselves out!

The HUGE prescription I had to collect. Thank god for pre-paid prescription cards!!

It has been an exhausting week but so much fun. I think I crashed today because I accidentally used all my 'spoons' for today, yesterday. I had none left for today and pushed myself to get dressed and then crashed *see my blog post 'The Spoon Theory' for more info on that*. I am still learning my limits and obviously have my awful days like today.

Lastly, there has been outrage amongst CFS/ME sufferers this week after the Telegraph posted an article claiming that it can be cured by a positive mindset and exercise. I am technically 'mildly' affected most days and 'moderate' on my bad days. Even on my good days, I am not able to exercise as the article suggested. I have an extremely positive mindset, yes I rant at times, but I am positive and I still suffer every single day. I tried Graded Exercise Therapy and it did not work or help in the slightest. It can actually make people much more ill, and my active day yesterday proved this. I have been so so ill today and I know full well if I did any kind of exercise I would always suffer like this. So how is that going to cure me? Those who are severely affected are completely bed bound and unable to brush their own teeth, yet exercise is the cure? It's a ridiculous article and has upset many people. It implied that the condition is 'all in the head' which it quite obviously is not.

I am looking forward to getting back to work and back into a routine as I always feel a bit worse during time off as I'm not in my routine.

First half term as a qualified teacher complete!

Hi everyone, I haven't blogged in AGES! Partly due to having no time but also being completely exhausted in the evenings and weekends. I just checked and I haven't blogged since the 7th October so I've got a fair bit to write about - I'm pretty tired though so I'll try and keep it short.

Firstly, it's half term!! That is why I finally have the time to sit and write. It's been the most stressful, yet enjoyable 7 weeks I could have imagined. I have loved every minute of my job and I look forward to going in every day. I can't deny that it's hard, the exhaustion is horrific and the pain has not been great at the moment. I think my new tablets are helping but I'm useless and often forget to take the second dose of the day. Unfortunately I haven't been able to come off the codeine yet which I was hoping to. I had a couple of days where I didn't take it but I'm back to my normal dose again which is a bit rubbish.

I went out on Wednesday after work to say goodbye to our phase leader who is starting a new job. I was apprehensive about going as it would be a much later night that I am used to, and sitting in a chair for longer than usual. All started off well, we went to the Greyhound races which was fun, we had a lovely meal and then the pain decided to hit me full strength. I didn't want to complain so I took 3 painkillers in the hope it would fade. It didn't. I stayed as long as I could but at 8:40, I had to give in and call it a night. I hate leaving early and always worry that people think I'm just not making the effort. I was feeling pretty annoyed at myself on the drive home and realised that I would not be able to go for the meal everyone at work was planning for Friday (last night). I had been really looking forward to it but after how I felt sitting in a chair for 2 hours, I knew there was no way I could cope with dinner and drinks, let alone the late night. Therefore, I celebrated the end of the half term by myself, with a 2 hour nap, a pizza and an 8:15 bed time. Tragic yes, but it was exactly what I needed. Adam got in from work around 11, I was in such a deep sleep I barely remember him being there and then I was woken up at 3:30 by excruciating stomach pains again. I cannot even describe how painful it is and anyone who thinks that IBS is 'just a tummy ache' can p*ss off. I went to the toilet and sat there shaking and sweating, trying to work out whether I needed the toilet or if I was going to be sick. Nothing happened. I went into the bedroom and woke Adam up who was amazing, he got straight up and filled my hot water bottle. I lay there for 2 hours, in absolute agony, kept popping to the toilet every 10 minutes. I finally fell back to sleep about 6 when it settled. Not ideal when I was looking forward to a long sleep to recover from the exhausting weeks I've had.

On a brighter note, my mum is on her way to visit!! I'm so excited, haven't seen her in a few weeks and I can't wait. I've spent the morning napping, cleaning and resting so we can have a meal and drinks with her fiancé and Adam.

I want to talk about Adam on here as well and how amazing he is. I know he didn't expect when we got together that he would spend his evenings alone while I sleep, weekends doing the same thing - limited by my stupid body. He rarely complains. Yes he has his moments where it upsets him too, because there are so many things we would love to do together but the only time that is possible is holidays, like this week. We have some lovely plans for this week and I can't wait. That's the awful thing about an invisible illness, not only does it affect me, it affects the people closest to me too. Especially Adam. I've been experiencing a lot of guilt recently and I get upset with myself when I can't stick to what I've said. This week we've tried to watch 2 films, both had to be in 2 parts just so I could stay awake/concentrate on what was going on. It's hard for people without the illness to understand the struggle with simple tasks like that.

I'm feeling loads better today than I have for the past week so I'm hoping the meal will be lovely. I know my mum and everyone will understand if I don't feel well and we have other options in case.

We have a lot planned this week. I need to go into work to sort out all the children's books etc, it's Adam's birthday on Tuesday and we're going out for dinner with his family, we are going to a Halloween event on Thursday (I think) and then it's Adam's birthday night out on Saturday and I have two friends coming up to stay. Plenty to keep me busy and look forward to but also a huge potential for a complete crash health wise. I'll stay positive and hope for the best!

Another day, another medication.

Been having a really rubbish week health wise, the cold knocked me back so bad. I seem to have finally shaken it off but since Sunday, my pain has soared and nothing helps. The codeine stopped working, ibuprofen doesn't help, heat from my hot water bottle didn't help so I've been feeling a bit gutted. I've been pushing through as always, shed a couple of tears but carried on fighting. I was excited to have a lie in this morning as I was on an NQT course in Norwich, which meant I got an extra 2 hours in bed! I thought I would wake up feeling great but obviously I didn't. I felt as if I hadn't slept, was achy and sore and my hands were really playing up. I was worried about writing but luckily there wasn't anything major I needed to write down at the course. When I arrived, I saw two people I did my degree with and it was lovely to have a catch up, I wasn't expecting to know anyone so it was a nice surprise.

I was in pain but was feeling okay-ish and thought the day would fly past. After about an hour, my pain was getting worse, I text Adam and told him how rubbish I was feeling but I was determined to carry on and make it til the end of the course at 4pm. However, it kept building up all over my body so I rang the doctor and tried to get an appointment for the afternoon. Even just to discuss the condition further again and take a weight off my shoulders. The receptionist was very rude, I'm sure it must be part of the job description that they have to offend and upset people at least once a day. She told me bluntly that there were no appointments and they could fit me in Saturday. I explained the situation and told her how much pain I was in and no I couldn't wait til Saturday, finally she seemed a bit sympathetic and told me the doctor would phone me. After another two hours I was in more pain than ever and still hadn't heard anything so I rang again. Another receptionist but just as rude. She told me I was on the list and the doctor would get back to me as soon as he could. I felt like a time waster and that I was over-reacting which is hard when you're in absolute agony but have no way of proving it. From the outside I look so normal and happy and on the inside I feel like someone is hitting my bones with a hammer, twisting my muscles and burning my nerves.

Eventually I'd had enough and left the course 2 hours early. I felt completely defeated and lost, Luckily the doctor finally rang me on the way home, he is one of the doctors who specialises in ME/CFS so chatted to me about how I was feeling and whether I'd done anything different recently. He asked me to describe my pain and was really sympathetic and prescribed gabapentin. I was happy that he took me seriously but gutted that it's yet another medicine I have to include into my daily routine. With these, I am now taking up to 13/15 tablets a day.

New tablets

Gabapentin is a drug used for nerve pain and he said most of his patients found it very helpful, so I am hopeful that it will help me return to a more stable level and keep the pain more under control. The list of side effects is long and a bit worrying but we will see how that goes. I'm hoping the benefits outweigh the side effects. I have no idea what has caused this severe pain flare but I am hoping it will not last long. I am sad that I have to rely so heavily on medication just to function but it's my only choice at the moment.

I was miserable on my way home from the pharmacy and could feel my mood dropping by the second. I got home and there was no where to park, I tried to move the car and got in someones way who started beeping at me and I just broke down. I'd been bottling it up all day about how rubbish I was feeling and trying to put on a happy face but that just finished me off. I parked the car, went inside and had a good cry to Adam and felt a little better after that. All I needed was a hug and a lie down. I have things to be doing tonight for work tomorrow but I'm absolutely exhausted - from the rubbish day I've had and the new tablets but I'm as determined as ever to make it to work tomorrow and have a good day. We will see.

Now I've had a cry, I feel a bit better emotionally and back to my usual fighting self. I will get through this flare and be back to my usual happy self soon. I'm exhausted and haven't proof read this post like I usually do so I apologise if some bits don't make sense. Feeling a bit all over the place, but got my indian on it's way and the Bake Off final is tonight!

Hope you all have a lovely evening xxx

Amy 0 - 1 Cold

Evening all :)

I'm writing this from bed, had my first nap in a couple of weeks which I'm a bit disappointed about. I've had a monster cold this week, lost my voice completely on Tuesday (I think?), I've lost track of the days. Teaching is very hard with no voice but luckily the children felt sorry for me and were pretty quiet and listened to me whispering! They respond better to me whispering anyway...

I hate having a cold, it has completely wiped me out. I remember when I used to moan if I had a cold when all I felt was a little sniffle. Nowadays, a cold affects my whole body and makes everything flare up more than usual. My pain is through the roof, even 8 codeine a day aren't really touching my pain anymore. I'm hoping once the cold is out my system, the pain will settle to a bearable level again. I've been so much weaker again this week as well, needing to sit down more often, even earlier nights etc. Not ideal but as always, work has kept me going. The good thing about teaching is that I don't have a choice, I have to go in. Once I'm there, the children take my mind off everything and I love every single day with them. They stress me out but in the best way possible, because I care about each and every one of them.

I had a ton to do during the week as well, we had a deadline for getting all our assessment data onto the school system and finish getting our classrooms completely up to scratch. This took longer than I thought but by Thursday evening I was more or less done. I even left school at 5 on Friday which is really early for me! I was determined to make the most of having a Friday night the best I could, except I was struck down with one of my horrific headaches, the type where I cannot even open my eyes without getting shooting pains and extreme dizziness. I tried to ignore it for a little while, took some painkillers and finally gave in at 6:30pm and went to bed. So tragic and not what I had in mind. I knew I was never going to be out partying til the early hours but I'd hoped I'd at least make it until 9pm! I curled up and chose a new TV show on Netflix to start watching, The Returned which looked quite good. I watched 10 minutes before realising I had no idea what on earth was going on. When I'm having a bad day, my brain gets foggy, known as 'Fibro Fog', meaning I cannot concentrate on ANYTHING. Luckily I've not had this at school yet and am hoping I never will. It tends to be an evening/weekend thing when I've run out of spoons - see my post 'The Spoon Theory' to find out more about the theory. Anyway, it means I can't watch TV unless its something I've about 10000000 times and know it almost off by heart. I have a handful of films for times like this. These are White Chicks, A Goofy Movie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Little Man. Only when I went to watch Little Man last night, I was heartbroken to see it had been taken off Netflix! I settled for White Chicks  instead and was asleep pretty quickly. I am almost never able to watch a whole film in one go, I end up falling asleep, so little bits have to do. Don't ask why these films have become my 'easy watch' films, they're all very random but they give me something to do when I can't focus on anything else. I find it so hard watching films, they require a lot of energy which I know is impossible for some people to understand. In the cinema it's easier as it's such a big screen, but at home, I usually lack the ability to focus for that long so I almost always end up confused and with no clue what is happening. I haven't even watched Mockingjay yet; I started watching it one night with Adam and a couple of his friends, but I was embarrassed that I had no idea what was happening and went to bed in a strop. Yes, sometimes I act like a toddler and throw tantrums but its the only way I can deal with my frustrations sometimes.

I woke up this morning with my head still pounding, took a while for me to get up but me and Adam had already decided we would have a nice, long lie in so we stayed put for a while. I took even more painkillers which still did nothing and put one of my headache cool pads on. Eventually it started to fade and I was able to actually think about what to do for the rest of the day. We had a few things to do so we went into town, we only went to a couple of shops before I needed to sit down. We called it a day and went to get lunch, my pain levels had gone sky high again and I was desperate to get something to drink so I could take more codeine. The pains were stabbing my whole body which makes it difficult to think of anything else. The painkillers dull it just enough to function again and enjoy my day but I'm starting to worry I might need something even stronger. We had the loveliest lunch in Patisserie Valerie, we both had Eggs Benedict Royale and tea and scones. Was absolute heaven. After lunch, I'd had enough, Adam dropped me home so I could have a sleep while he went to buy a few more bits for the house. Now he is at work for a couple of hours and when he gets back we are hopefully going to go for a drink in the pub just round the corner. He has to be up really early for work so it won't be a late one.

I was feeling very down and frustrated again last night about my lack of social life. I know I am the one who made the decision to work but it doesn't make it easier seeing all my friends busy social lives at the weekend while I'm sitting in my pjs, cuddling a hot water bottle and not even being able to watch a film. That's why I'm determined to at least make it out for one drink tonight. I can sit down in the pub (hopefully) so I don't have to worry about that and it's only round the corner. I've had such a lovely day with Adam, we haven't seen much of each other recently even though we live together and I'm a bit gutted that I've felt so poorly. I always feel like I've ruined the day when I have to go for a sleep, especially when it's our first day together in ages but he's so understanding. He looks after me  so well :)

Let's hope I shake this cold off very soon and can feel a bit more human again. I'm not sleeping well at all which isn't helping. It stresses me out when I have so much to do and am unable to do it. Today was supposed to be so productive, changing my address on everything and sorting out bills and other boring things like that. I've done none of that and I'm not sure my foggy brain will allow it. I need to save my brain for marking and work stuff tomorrow so the paperwork may have to wait til next weekend now. The weekends are far too short when I need a whole day just to recover from my working week before I can even think about anything else.

I know I'll get everything done, I always do, it just takes me a little more time than most people!

Tea and scones, the blackcurrant jam was incredible.

Moving day was the most stressful day of my life.

I'm am writing this from our lovely new flat! I am so happy here already and it's only been a day. I had another good, yet stressful week and was feeling generally okay until Friday. When I say okay, I just want to iterate that this does mean I feel well. I just feel slightly better than normal. As much as I'd like them to, my symptoms haven't miraculously disappeared. I had lots to do and stayed late at work most days just to try and get on top of things. I knew I was going to miss out on a weekend of planning etc due to the move so I was stressing slightly about this. I couldn't wait though and all week I was counting down the days til we would be in the flat. Friday I woke up feeling like absolute death, I was in a lot of pain and just wanted to curl up in a ball with painkillers, a hot water bottle and lots more sleep but I knew I had to go in. Once I'm dosed up and on the go, I tend to feel more human and the busy job gives me a reason to keep going - this is one of the reasons I love teaching. I feel it actually helps with my health as there are so many more important things to think about throughout the day. I powered through and as soon as I stepped through the door on Friday evening after work, it was non-stop. We moved all the things that were already packed, went to Argos and bought some furniture and headed to the flat to start building things. We finally got into bed at about midnight, had a little lie in and started again Saturday morning.

During the night I kept waking up. I wasn't surprised as I often have nights where I can't sleep - this unfortunately is one of the symptoms of ME - especially if I have things on my mind. It seemed like every time I woke up I felt more and more ill. When I finally woke up about half 8 and decided I would get up, I realised I had the start of a cold. This obviously hits me harder than most people and I honestly felt like I couldn't move. The pain over my entire body was unreal, I didn't think I was going to be able to get out of bed, let alone move house. But I had no choice. I dragged myself up, managed to shower and wash my hair - with lots of rests - and finally started packing things up. Adam knew how ill I felt and kept making sure I wasn't doing too much. He gave me easy things to carry like pillows and blankets. We didn't have a van or anything so it was a case of constantly packing up the cars, unloading them and starting all over again. We barely have any furniture so most things do not have a home yet. As bad timing goes, I had a hair appointment booked, seeing as we were meant to be moved in the weekend before which I didn't really want to cancel so I went along to this at 4. Luckily this was when Adam had arranged to pick up the sofa we are borrowing from his mum until ours arrived. I was clearly not going to be any help lifting a sofa so he didn't mind me popping off for an hour for my hair appointment. We then headed back to Argos to get curtains etc and finally headed back. The last few runs were the most painful, we had both had enough and were losing the will to live. The last thing to come with us was the bed and putting that together and putting the new bedding on was such a lovely feeling. We ordered a curry at about 10pm and cracked open the champagne. We were both absolutely exhausted and couldn't wait to go to sleep! I slept awful again, which was no surprise, having a bad health day and sleeping in a new environment was never going to be a good nights sleep! I woke up still feeling awful but a slight improvement from yesterday. The pain is still pretty bad but no where near as horrible as yesterday but the cold is making me feel lousy. The IBS has flared up again today so that's not been ideal. I'm almost out of codeine so I'm trying not to take them too much until I can get some more on Wednesday. Luckily my NHS card will have arrived by then so I don't have to pay for my prescriptions! I've paid £10 this month and it will cover all my medication so is going to save me loads.

I spent today sorting out the bedroom, which is almost done apart from one bag. The lounge is a mess still because we need more furniture and most of the stuff is Adam's so he can sort that out :) I've had a relaxing evening sorting out my classes books, watching films, knitting and cuddling up with cups of tea and my hot water bottle. Adam has been at work all day and I can't wait for him to see the improvement to the flat in one day.

I'm already so happy living here and I know we are going to be so happy. I feel so relaxed and at home here and I look forward to many happy months with my favourite person!
Here's to hoping for a lower pain today tomorrow and a good night's sleep! xxx

The bedroom - the plastic drawers are temporary!

Lovely little kitchen.

We need a lot more furniture in here but here's our little lounge.